You'll see in a minute or two what it was that got today's tell-all wondering whether the appendages on the side of its head are too big or Apple's earphones too smallIf it's a four-star review of The Damned United you're after, then you've come to the wrong place (that's four stars out of five, by the way, not four out of 28, which would suggest it's a bit of a turkey). But if it's five-star speculation about Liverpool being the white-hot favourites to emerge from Valencia's summer fire-sale with the scrawl of £20m-rated Spain midfielder David Silva on a lucrative contract, then this "undemanding but richly enjoyable, expertly constructed and effortlessly written" (Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian) rumour is for you.Movie buffs may mistake Sergio Floccari for the actor who played the role of Man Hailing Taxi in Italian director Antonello Grimaldi's little-known Golden Bear-nominated feature, Caos Calmo, but he's actually an Atalanta striker whose 12 goals in 27 appearances for the Serie A side have got Gianfranco Zola's antennae twitching at West Ham. The Irons will face stiff competition from Juventus, Roma, Villarreal, Wolfsburg and Zenit St Petersburg, although reported interest from Newcastle is likely to wane once they're relegated and decide to make do with Mark Viduka instead.In a Tarantino-esque plot development that would sound a lot less sinister if it came from anyone other than a middle-aged Italian businessman in a well-tailored suit, Genoa president Enrico Preziosi has told Tottenham to forget about signing Argentina striker Diego Milito … or else. "The figure of £10m that they are offering is ridiculous," declared Preziosi, opening a cut-throat razor and gently caressing the blade with his thumb. "For that I would just give them his ear." Unlike the Rumour Mill, Diego Milito will be hoping 'Arry doesn't call his president's bluff.Like a Best Actress Oscar-winner blubbering on stage at the Kodak Theatre, Standard Liege midfielder Steven Defour has been making a spectacle of himself by blowing smoke up Martin O'Neill's nether regions. "Villa are an amazing club," he gushed with all the accuracy of a man who hasn't been following the Premier League results for several weeks. "But Liege must decide whether they are good enough."Gather.Barcelona directors have got out of their folding canvas chairs, taken up their megaphones and shouted "action!" for the opening scene of Let's Get Thierry Henry To Stay At Camp Nou For Another Three Years. Meanwhile back in England, screwball comedy producers Manchester City are hoping to wrap their latest comedy excursion Let's Show Knack-Prone Zimbabwean Striker Benjani The Door Before He Gets Injured Again, which is good news for baseball cap-prone Stoke City best boy, Tony Pulis.Heard any transfer speculation of your own? You know what to do. LiverpoolWest Ham UnitedBarcelonaTottenham HotspurAston VillaManchester Cityguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
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